Lynne In The Kitchen

Muninn · #1 14-01-2023, 08:37 PM

Some of you may remember that Lynne tried her hand as an actress, and featured in a short story. Well, now she's trying her hand at television presenting and wanted to show off her, erm, skills. She was going to try for a DIY programme, but we all remember what happened when it got round to her doing the painting!

So given that it is too crap outside to do any gardening, Lynne decided on a reboot of the old cookery programme "Farmhouse Kitchen" - sadly the budget was even lower than the one for her film, and so there's no farmhouse... but at least there's a kitchen!

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TV Announcer: "And now we cross over to the Farmhouse Kitchen where Lynne has a few delicious surprises are in store...."

(Cue some appropriate jazzy theme music, look it up on YouTube if you can't remember!)

"Well hello everyone, and welcome to Lynne's Kitchen. Today we're going to make a simple autumnal dish using fruit from the garden":

"We shall make a apple and blackcurrant crumble using some fresh apples and some berries that we stored in the freezer from this summer":

"Now I hate getting my clothes dirty, so my dear M has bought me a new apron to wear. So, I'll get ready, tie my hair back, wash my hands, and we'll be back after the break!":

Muninn · #2 14-01-2023, 08:37 PM

Part 2:

"Welcome back, and now we shall start to prepare... what do you mean, Where are my clothes?? Like I said, I don't like getting my clothes dirty!"

"Now, where were we? Ah yes - first we need to slice up the apples. Peel them first if you want to. I reckon three of these apples will do":

"Put the sliced up apples into an oven dish, then put the blackcurrants on top":

"Now for the topping. We need 100g of flour - we're using a mixture of plain flour and rye flour. Add 50g of brown sugar too.":

"Hang on, we've forgotten something important, it's in the fridge!":

"I can't believe it... it's not butter! Well, it'll have to do..."

"So, we put a big scoop of whatever this is into the bowl, about 25-30g - just enough to make things nice and moist":

"Now we'll get right in there with our hands and mix things up. Ooh, it's sticky!"

"Once done, put the crumble mixture on top of the fruit, making sure it is all covered up. I like to put a good dusting of cinnamon on top too.":

"Cover the dish with tin foil, and put it into a warmed oven. We broke the big oven (don't even ask how!) so this one will have to do. Set the temperature at 200 degrees... because let's face it, that's what everything cooks at in this kitchen... and leave it in for 20-30 minutes until the crumble is golden brown. If it is black or on fire, you've cooked it too long!":

"It's around about now that your significant other will come into the kitchen and ask if there's anything they can do. Well, put them to good use and tell them to make a brew and wash the pots. Meanwhile, put your feet up! I'll chill out and get this lot down me. See you in part three!

Muninn · #3 14-01-2023, 08:38 PM

Part 3:

"Ah, welcome back! (Hic!) Sounds like the oven has just pinged, so let's go have a look! (burrrp!)"

"Excellent, the lovely M has just pulled the crumble out of the oven. Now, there's one more thing I need to get from the fridge!":

"You can serve it with fresh cream or even custard, but we've decided to go for good old squirty cream, because we're classy like that!"

"And there we are, all ready to eat!":

"Oh no, the squirty cream is out of control... oh dear, this isn't good... help!":

"That's all we've got time for this episode. M is going to lick... I mean clean the cream off me, and we're going to enjoy our crumble. See you all next time, if we haven't been cancelled that is!".

Karrot · #4 14-01-2023, 10:27 PM

Well all I can say is its a darned good job Miss Lynne did take those precautions to keep her clothes clean, else she'd have squirty cream all over her nice jumper...

K

Liz_xxx · #5 14-01-2023, 10:44 PM

All the time Lynne is rummaging around in the fridge you won't be short of somewhere to park your bicycle Muninn

Great shoot Sir and the crumble looks proper tasty

revoL annaerB · #6 14-01-2023, 11:01 PM

I don't know what the cause is, I really don't....is it words like, moist, sticky and squirty? Is it nips covered in cream? is it a lovely peachy bum? Is it a home-baked crumble? Or a combination of all those things, either way I am drooling!!!(I blame Lynne

)

It's great seeing Lynne gaining fame with the show (my mind did jump to the galloping gourmet at first

) and she is correct, men often offer to help when all is done...well at least we offer, isn't 'better late than never' an actual phrase?

Joe Bin · #7 15-01-2023, 12:26 AM

looks good but I am curious what she used instead of butter.

revoL annaerB · #8 15-01-2023, 12:43 AM

It's a product we have in the UK that is similar to butter called, 'I can't believe it's not butter' due to the similarity to butter

Joe Bin · #9 15-01-2023, 04:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by revoL annaerB

It's a product we have in the UK that is similar to butter called, 'I can't believe it's not butter' due to the similarity to butter

Oh okey, thanks.

Lulu1971 · #10 15-01-2023, 04:54 AM

Absolutely brilliant, Muninn

Lynne has found her vocation in life. I loved her cooking show and can't wait for the next episode.

I loved this line: "Set the temperature at 200 degrees... because let's face it, that's what everything cooks at in this kitchen... and leave it in for 20-30 minutes until the crumble is golden brown. If it is black or on fire, you've cooked it too long!"