Customs and Excise - A presentation by Earlson Apeworthy

[Karrot]

Curtain up, http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature...&v=nAlGRZh8naM


Right, allo everyone. Cam in, take a seat, 'ave a cuppa tea (mines wiv 2 sugars Pris luv, cheers babes) Get yerselves comfy an' all and we'll get goin'.

I would like first to introjooce myself. I am Earl, I 'andle security details at da Karrot Patch for Mr Karrot and the lovely Jess, along wiv a few private ventures of me own.



This spritly young fello on me right 'ere is me nephew Norris, say allo Norris



For the life of me, yungun'. For. The. Life. Of. Me.

Now, this 'ere get togevva is for a small presentashun wot me an Norris has put togevva to impart some vital nolij about dem folks wot we all knows stands between our good selfs and the merchandise wot we is arfter. I am of course talkin' about 'er majistees Customs and Excise, or as me and Norris call em, 'The dock filf'.



Now some of these fellows, arfter decades on the job have acchooally managed to ,not only tie their own shoo laces but, pick up a fing or 2 about
findin' 'idden stuff. These fellows can 'ave a narsty 'abbit of gettin' in the way of a smoov deal and, to be fair we would all prefer it if they dint go stickin' a cold wet one in to our packages



The problem o' course is that they see a big arsed box comin' along the conveyor an' they get all like

'Oh I am betting that there is something in that there box wot we can slap a tax on or sumfing'.

Before you know it they got them crowbars out and is leaverin' the lid orf, and this is why you cant just trust your mate, Juan Eyedpete, to put yer stuff inna box and send it orf.

Im talking o' course about



You got to get cleva. You got to get tricksy wiv it. You gots to 'ide em, but not just from pryin' eyes. Oh no! They got these too



Thass right, they got goggies wiv dirty great wet snozzes wot can sniff out a narna from four ana 'arf miles away through a five quid prozzies bed sheets.

But do not fear my good people. Cease yor frettin' i say, because I 'ave been doing my 'ome work and i 'ave a plan.

This is me meeting a Police Goggie, taking me life in me 'ands to do so, but it was for nessessary research.



Norris? Wot is that?



Can we get this sorted do you fink?



Fankyou, Yungun'.

So as i woz sayin' Them goggies got a keen nozza right? So you needs to diguise the smell o' them lavly narnas wiv somefing. Turns out i found just a' fing!

If you was to get yer mate over in narna country to box em up hidden away wiv one of them sexy love dollies like this



Not only will PC Ploddington completely fail to spot the nefarious cargo, but constable sniffy wont 'ave a clue they are in there 'eeva! You's off scott free mate.

So, when you fine gentlemen feel that you need to purchase a lovely silicone laydee from a narna producing country, spare a fort for the working class Ape and Give me or Norris a tinkle. I recon we could come to an agreement, know wot i mean? and you neva know when you may be in need of an ape who is feeling endebted to you in a small way, am i right?

Right, cheers fo' cammin' there's more tea and bickies at the back like. Me and Norris will be 'angin about for a few to deal wiv any business, but we gotta scarpa soon on account of this 'ere laptop not technically belonging to us.

Oh, an' if the boys in blue cam knockin' me names Rodney, okay?

[Wulfie]

Brilliant Karrot, brilliant especially Norris after the .........um character in the red dress (wasn't you Karrot......was it ). Nicely executed and another newby for the next Meet
Maybe we'll need a new furry / boney Forum or thread for helpful assistants / problem pets

[Nietzsche]

Very funny, cracking up laughing at this. Nearly blew my tea out through my nose.

[Wulfie]

Been there done that, learned the hard way and a new keyboard later, no hot drinks or alcohol to be consumed or held when opening 'suspect threads' and when opening threads from certain members, box of kleenex at the ready, opened, with top 3 ready loaded for despatch.

[Karrot]

d'you know 'ow many narnas you can fit in a box o' Kleenex? 5 thats 'ow many. 5 packed inna bottom with enough snozz wipes on top that PC Nebbygit can poke about and not get surspishus.

Oh, an' glad you like that little talk. 'ope it comes in 'andy.

Earl.

[Ursa_Major]

Great stuff Karrot. I'm sure Earl and Norris have been up to plenty of monkey business in their time.

[Snaggles]

That was so bloody funny, thanks for cheering my day up Karrot (& Earl & Norris)

[revoL annaerB]

Awww, Norris looks so sweet and innocent, I hope Earl isn't leading him astray!!!



Earl, cheers for the advice, if ever I need to shift a few dodgy nanas I now know how to do it.

You are so right, that goggy has a seriously big hooter, he could suck a nana up that snozz and not even notice.

[cosycottage]

LMFAO!

Superb work Earl, but does this work for other quasi-legal fruit import scenarios?

[Karrot]

Cosy mate, you may get away wiv it for Apples, Orinjiz and most uva citrus varieties, but you most definitely do not wanna get caught 'smuggling plums'.

Earl