[Jimpink]

Hi friends! I'm..er..we're...hic...drunko!

What you read below will be mostly my inner monologue because the speaky voice has been distorted with burpy alco-ma-hol induced whooooopppeee! There still may be hiccups and burps even in my head, it's gotten to that stage already...so...hic....here's where we're at.

The plan is to get to Sexitron before it closes, I heard hunky Hugh is there promoting some...hic...stupidly oversized (that's an opinion) dildo goodness. Luckily I had a BMX on standby for self transportation through Berlin's vibrant street art filled back alleys...hic. So off we went with...buuuurrrrpppp...Wolka clinging tightly around my chest, normally it's a waist hold but she's not interested in that part of my anatomy. The squeeze was real, possibly life threatening but most importantly it's affecting my ability to ride straight. I can't concentrate with a half naked Wolka hanging on my back!

Cruising through the streets trying to keep upright is a struggle and then the worst happens, dammit the stupid chain pops off, and you know it's all oily and shit! So we're somewhere near Mauer Park I think, been here before but it's dark and the bike is momentarily fuckered. I get to work....burp...whilst Wolka keeps an eye out for....hic...gopniks?

Now there's a reason why she's got her baps out, boob protection? A sort of counter...hic...intuitive attempt to protect the bike fixing area? Hmmm, all I can hear whilst my hands continue to get dirtier is constant shouts of..."Move on or go to Gulag, blyat! She must think they are dangerous weapons but maybe they attract more bypassers that they keep away? Knowing her I wouldn't be surprised if they were actually hidden machine gun enhancements or something! Pew Pew! Regardless my only words are sweary and bike related, brace yourself the following is a combination of alco-ma-hol, dirty oil and fiddly chain. "Fwuck you chaaaaainn! BUUUURRRPP! Hmph, fecking, fwukc fuckity, you OILY BASTARD!...hic...bonk. Fwuck it!" All I want is White Russian, "Yes babe, boobs at the ready, see!" No, Wolka, but yes your boobs are lovely, but I'm talking about the alco-ma-hol...hic...anyway aren't you Polisschss?

Dammit will we have to abandon the oily chain? Will we make it to Sexitron in time? Will Wolka put her boobs away at some point? The first two have to happen, the last one...well...hic...I'm not complaining...BUUUURRP!

WOOOOLLLKKAAA! Where's my drink?