A couple of hours ago I left for Heathrow to catch my flight to Berlin whilst Wolka was doing the same from Barcelona. Our first stop on this momentous and spontaneous journey is hipster central and über cool Berlin. No doubt we'd not have any trouble fitting in with the locals down Schöenhauser Allee! Ha! Yeah I've packed all my outrageous outfits, most fairly limited on surface area but making up for this with ALL THE COLOURS! There's also some see through bits which I know will turn Wolka into even more of a sexual predator than she already is...is that possible? Can't wait to find out!
Upon arriving and knowing our flights will be landing in synchronisation I could almost wave to Wolka through our mutual window seats. Yet we had to get through all the regular airport checkpoints, baggage collection, passport control blah blah blah...where's WOLKA! Then arriving at security and customs I heard some kerfuffle from one of the private rooms. I could hear a familiar voice, an aggressive Polish accent shouting frustrated verbal abuse towards those in charge. I got hot under the collar, she always turns me on when she gets angry...it was of course WOLKA VON K!
Apparently she had tried to smuggle in a variety of "normal" and "harmless" objects, things she uses in everyday activities. But those objects to anyone else would be described as absolute weapons.
A baseball bat, madam? "That's for fun in the bedroom, which you definitely need more of, you stupid uniformed brute!" Ok then what about this rather large and dangerous looking Kalishnikov then? "It's not real, silly! It's an airsoft gun which is actually broken. Dude." Now miss Von K, you've got a bag of very old looking grenades, which I'm surprised are still intact. "Yeah. So?" Well they are live grenades aren't they, regardless of age? "And...?" Look if you want to go and meet that ridiculously looking girl that's loitering outside then you're going to have to give these up. "Fine...whatever, you've no actual idea who I am, where I've been or what I've done...but yeah take my antique and destructive trinkets, the real stowaway bits you'll never find...."
Once released from the hands of security stupidity we were united at last! That spark was again ignited and fired up to levels not measurable as we embraced and caused yet another scene in the airport. First was Wolka's weapon search, next was almost sex right there in the terminal. The old folk were appalled seeing so much skin and young German teenagers couldn't stop staring as we rapidly searched each other with our rampant and rather insistent hands.
We had arrived. And Berlin is in for a treat!
As we walked towards the exit ready to start our adventure the crew of officials watched our every move...they had never seen anything like it. Though I also suspect with Wolka's history as a secret triple agent spy might have something to do with it....
